Are Men Who Rape, Being ‘Raped’ By Society?
I wrote this August 29, 2015. I was 18 years old at the time.
What would Michael Kaufman from The Construction of Masculinity and the Triad of Men’s Violence (1987) say about the raping of the 7-year old girl who had been raped by a 13-year old boy in Port Townsend, Washington this past July 3rd? Or about the man in Vinton, Iowa who assaulted a woman this past June 12th? Men, who feel powerless, weak, or not very manly, are turning to the manipulation of fragile women to regain their power or manliness. Could it be that society is responsible for the birthing of those behaviors, including those of rapists and women abusers?
To be a man in today’s society. With the constant pressures imposed upon males to be “masculine — to be the strong and rational being in relationships, a man is “supposed” to hold down his house, keep emotions down to a minimum, be exact and clear about his sexuality and withdraw from any acts of weakness. Men are involuntarily bred into the institutionalization of what manliness or masculinity is supposed to be, look, and behave like and they are never given the opportunity to define the idea for themselves.
For men like the 13-year old boy in Washington and the man in Iowa, it has already been decided how they should live their lives, if they wish to be perceived as men. Kaufman writes, “men’s violence is situated…in structures of domination and control”. This predetermined, calculated social construct is not only a detriment to the well being of a male’s mental health but also to the sex society has established as man’s lesser, the sex that has no power and isn’t expected to have it either — the woman. Luckily, for the male who is feeling overwhelmed, beaten, or stripped from his true self, he has the woman to take back or better yet refuel himself with what has been taken away from him.
Kaufman (590) later on mentions that, “In the testimonies of rapists one hears over and over again expressions of inferiority, powerlessness, and anger.” In relation, writer William J. Cromie’s, Why Do Men Abuse Women? (1996), a woman named Teresa Ou had to interview men who admitted to beating their wives. In the interview, Ou observes and says, “Batterers feel little compassion for those they regard as inferior. Instead of being ashamed, they seemed proud when they talked about kicking, biting, or slapping their wives…” It is their “…quest for domination…” Kaufman (585) states which in my own words, is the cause for male on woman violence: By forcing women to have sex with them or obey their commands, they manage to reassure their masculinity.
Sadly, for women, during this journey for reassurance, our bodies are prone to “being stripped, exposed, and contorted for the purpose of ridicule to bolster that “masculine esteem” they (men) get their kick and ‘sense of power’ from viewing females as anonymous panting playthings…” , an excerpt from Pornography from Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape by writer Susan Brownmiller.
Society says boys shouldn’t behave as “sissies,” “punks,” or at worst, “p*****s,” still how is the boy who does succumb to these derogatory terms meanings supposed to regain his “loss of masculinity” by society’s standards, without preying on who has been portrayed to him as the weak one? “Rape” is used as power, but by all means to regain what society says you must have. Society is responsible for some form of clarification on the social construct guidelines of manliness; clarification that should follow suit with the alleged rape and assault cases committed by the two male attackers mentioned earlier.
Males are built to be relentless beings, responsible for the accumulation of wealth and structure in their household. They are also discouraged from being monogamous and desiring love; they are to keep all emotions and feelings bottled up, unlike women. The (inception) of a male’s violence against a woman could also be because they are envious, envious that society allows them to be overtly and freely expressive of their emotions — an accepted vulnerability from society. Kaufman (589) supports this idea by connecting it to the conclusion that we should “understand this violence as an expression of the fragility of masculinity combined with men’s power.” The media says that men who hit women are cowards, but when feeling cowardly where does the male go to repress his cower? Men “rape” because they are being “raped”, “raped” of this same acceptance. Could accepted vulnerability be privilege?
With the brutal name calling established for men who behave in a feminine manner, where is the male to go to release his feelings of self-doubt or self-hatred without being looked at as less of a man? For some contradictory reason when “men are encouraged to be open…it becomes apparent that there exists, often under the (thick) surface, an integral dialogue of doubt about one’s male and masculine credentials” Kaufman (589).
Masculinity is a part of the social stratification of what makes a male a man. By abiding to this stratification, a male becomes dependent upon a dogma that could prevent them from being liberated to the trusting of their inner truths. This pretense could be the beginning of the effect that will result in the victimization of the weak woman — males using “rape” as power.
As a young woman who do I marry in the future? What does the ideal man look like? What am I to search for, what are the signs? And what are my chances of not marrying a male who hasn’t been “raped” by society?
While some may argue that the violence that rapists and abusers exude are most likely related to psychological issues, traumatizing upbringings, and experiences, I ask the question, what about those young boys who haven’t endured the above listed circumstances? Wouldn’t it be irrational to generally diagnose all males’ acts of rape and abuse against women with the association of such reasons? Take into account the unrealistic, sexist, pressures being forced down their throats that very much so takes part into the cause of their rebellious misbehaviors.
To sum things up, I choose to use the term rape as a metaphor in the question my title poses not only for its literal meaning but for its figurative meaning as well; rape also means to strip someone of their natural essence because of the loss of someone’s own essence — an artificial regain, to take the potential from someone that someone else was destined to fulfill. An act of robbery that men like the 13-year old boy and Vinton man had both been so desperate to commit.
In conclusion, society’s heavy and forceful social construct of what a man should be, has a piece of responsibility in the lashing out that males have been, for so long, performing on women to acquire some form of freedom that had been snatched from them. Last of all, exactly how much power was regained after the attackers raped their victim, was it after he brushed his fists across her face leaving her bloody and bruised, as she lay helplessly on the floor pleading for him to stop, or was it after he’d had her hands tied up with her underwear clinging onto her ankles when he had gotten his masculinity back and when the “threat of losing power” Kaufman (592) was then erased? Simply put, society breeds “rapists”.
