Welcoming 28: A New Year, A New Me
What a year has 27 been.
I did not think I would make it here.
Emotionally, it has been difficult for me to overcome challenges within myself. Navigating decision-making and honing in on what my values truly are.
Today, I thank God for it all. Because of all that I experienced, I am wiser and sure that I will be okay.
This year, I thought that I knew what love meant. This year, I woke up and learned that there is no standard of love in the world that is perfect and as loyal as God’s. I was miseducated, sincerely to place the burden of love on any human being, including myself.
“Who am I and what am I?”, were the questions that circulated my mind most often throughout this past year.
How could I love someone so soon, without consequence?
This year I learned that loyalty means…I do not know. I do not believe in it. Words mean nothing, but sometimes words are all we have to cling our hope onto.
Over time I learned to enjoy my own company. I am a loner, forever and always. I think it is good to be alone to sort through your self. I love people but God’s voice is not as clear to me when I am surrounded by so many or any. And, I need clarity. I need to hear my source.
This year I began to remember who I was again. As time passes and life goes on you can lose sight of what set you out on your path to begin with. For me, I wanted to remember my childhood and understood how I responded. I took the time to understand myself, to regulate and explore myself. I kept going to church, going to community events, several beautiful parks, Korean-style coffee shops, walks through nature, sound baths, meditation classes, surfing, yoga, and yeah, therapy. I attended therapy sessions again last year. I am so proud of the beautiful butterfly that I am growing into. I thank God for everyone and for myself. I finally love myself, at 28. Because I understand more about who and why Kamerie is. I love all of her.
Here are my top life lessons learned before I turn 28 on January 23rd:
- Put yourself first. Make sure that you have all that you need before anything else. Those things would be your basic needs as a human being. These are important to you biologically, physiologically and psychologically as a human .
- Discover yourself. Who are you? What are you? As a human, on a cellular and atomic level. How did you get here? Why were you created the way you were? To serve which purposes?
Adama Alaji says that we are ‘intelligence in existence’. I love that.
3. Sacred, you are. We are all sacred beings. Our bodies are sacred. Our eyes, ears, nose, hands, legs, mouths, stomachs, organs, our hearts, soul. Our life is sacred. When I think about how fragile and magical we are I care more for self and others because I see myself in others. We were not born wanting to die because we were in such insolvable pain, depression, mental illness, loneliness or poverty. We are so much more. We are sacred and so, so, so precious.
4. Have compassion for yourself. No one will fully understand everything that you have endured. From the physical conditions, emotional stress, the violent and destructive words said to you, the isolation, the ostracization, the alienation, sexual assault, the harassment, the mistreatment, the lies and disappointment. No one has your exact same life journey. Therefore, you need to go soft for you. Be gentle with yourself. Today, I do not allow people to tell me how or when to let go of my pain. No one knows my pain like I do. No one knows how it got there. When I was going through something, I was so quick to write it off in my mind as another one of life’s hiccups to just not take personally. I intellectualized my experiences way too much rather than just acknowledging my feelings were hurt. My life required compassion from me, the one who was living it if nothing else, I deserve to have compassion for myself.
5. Don’t rush. Whatever it is, if you truly enjoy it, take your time with it. Rushing reveals a lack of faith, a lack of preparation and a lack of perspective. Will rushing through the thing make it any more worthwhile? Will rushing it cement your name in the pavement? The older I get, the more I find silly the things in life that humans rush for. Even in driving, most people who are going fast usually are late, have a troubled nervous system or lack patience. There is literally no need to speed walk if its not for safety reasons to speed drive if your’e not rushing someone to the hospital or to put out a fire. Exactly, life or death exceptions. Most things in life are not urgent. Everything is much better, slow.
6. Speak up. No matter how hard it is, you have to use your voice, if you have one. There are way too many people in this world and not everyone is nice, has good taste or vision, so take that into consideration. Be heard, and do so with respect.
7. Ask for help. Struggle for what? Like why was I making things harder than they had to be. “Yes, I need a ride home because it’s pouring down rain and the bus ain’t coming no time soon!” Just be real about what you are able to do independently with quality and always make safety top of mind. I could have saved myself so much stress and pain had I just asked for help. Who cares if the person feels like doing it or not, humanity involves recognizing your own individual limitations as well. Go ahead and check on your neighbor, we are all here to help one another.
8. Let them tears fall. I thought I’d win some prize if I mastered holding back tears when my body told me to release them. So much of my conditioning has required me to betray my very own self. My body, my heart, my soul, my nervous system — all that are meant to keep me alive. I allow myself to feel now, without edits. I am raw and I am real. I felt that shit and it made me fucking cry. So what. Are you mad? Are you humored by that? Tears are beautiful. Tears are my justice.
9. Cliches exist for a reason. If the first humans on Earth existed millions of years ago, you think they ain’t experienced some similar life challenges as the humans of present day? Be for real. The saying, “nothing new under the sun” is another phrase that proves how cyclical life is. Truthfully, this comforts me and it reveals just how connected we all are, consciously and energetically and all the things! Cliches are simple and ready to encourage or provide some sort of wisdom to you. They come in handy when esoteric knowledge just won’t get you through life’s ups and and downs.
10. Humans are ugly, fickle and magical. I still do not understand a lot of things about human nature but boy do those first 3 traits stick out the most to me. How wonderful it is that a human’s life can have the influence to both be love in this world and also be the murderer of all children’s hopes and dreams for the future. One day someone loves you and the next day, they are a stranger. Humans, when we don’t have our basic needs met, are pure animals! Savages! Be vigilant. But take none of it personal. Please don’t! Your happiness depends on it. And when you really examine yourself, you will see just how awful you too can be! Take it easy.
11. Savor the moment. It’s all only temporary. Everything is only temporary. What makes change so devastating is the security and familiarity it once provided becoming no longer. As humans we want to make sure that we are safe from danger and will be able to live as comfortably as possible. So when our neighborhoods start to change and when our partner starts to change we sort of want to brace ourselves from being uncomfortable and ultimately, from having to change along with. Here goes another cliche for you, “what goes up, must come down”. You will be in love, celebrating, giving birth one day and mourning, grieving, depressed, and unable to eat, in the next season. Be present with the moment. It all adds up. Your life is the sum of your lived life experiences. Live well dammit!
12. Sex IS spiritual. If sex was not powerful then why do people lose their minds because of it, destroy deep bonds and families, hand over their entire life savings, hate and kill one another because of it? In 12th grade I remember my high school teacher telling me and my best friend that sex fucks up relationships. His words were “when people start fucking, everything changes, because one person is just having fun while someone else is thinking this is more.” Sex, is and always will be ‘more’ than the average mammal can handle. Sex is literally dangerous, with involved aspects that can funnel you lifelong disease, shame and an unexpected, unequally supported human child. Sex is not just two sexual reprodutive organs having their way with each other. I wish it were this simple. If we go back to #3 “sacred, you are”, then you may understand where I am going with this. There is no way for you to separate yourself from your body, no matter how high or drunk you get it is not possible and so in knowing that your body is your forever home, in this realm, in this universe and that it is a sacred gift gifted to you to nurture and care for, how is it possible to have spirit-less sex when you are indeed a spiritual being in an intricately designed flesh bag of a body? Enough of the simplifying of sex!
13. Love is like air. But not many of us actually know what love means. In true Kamerie fashion, I wonder how many of us have actually experienced love? and how would we know that’s what love was? What I will say about love is that when people told me they loved me, few times have I doubted their words. I would like to believe that love is free, in abundance, everywhere and always available to me. At 28 years old in an hour I will be, I am blessed to say I am free, and my heart remains pure.
Happy Birthday to me, Kamerie the great!
thank you to my beloved mother/grandmother, Dorothy L. Stewart R.I.H. my love.
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